Sayings That Need to be Destroyed, part 4
If you know me well, you are painfully, uncomfortably aware that I have a raging pet peeve about stupid expressions -- sayings that get absorbed into pop culture and are then repeated endlessly by unimaginative dullards who think they're being cute and clever.
There's nothing worse than listening to a person who can't communicate without stitching together a bunch of tired cliches -- my blood boils when I hear some insipid Paris Hilton type whose entire vernacular consists of trendy expressions that will have no meaning in ten years, padded out with a slew of "like"s and "you know"s.
Perhaps some examples would be helpful. Here are a few from years past:
1. "you go, girl!"
2. "it's all good"
3. talk to the hand"
4. "don't go there"
Are ya with me now?
I will allow that some of these American colloquialisms may have been fun and witty at some point -- like, maybe the first time they were uttered. But they're not funny or clever anymore, and they need to be destroyed.
Here are a few cutesy expressions that have been sticking in my craw for the last few years and are now way past their expiration date:
1. "You Rock!"
Ok, people. You gotta stop saying this. It is not funny or ironic to tell the waitress that she "rocks" because she brought the ketchup. She's a waitress, and she's working hard. And she probably wants to smack you.
This one gets used alot in a "we partied like rockstars!" kind of way. And then you've got your "RockStar Energy Drink" crap, which is apparently Gatorade for hipsters. But lately I've been hearing "rockstar" used as a generic term of praise. Check out the director's commentary on the "Dawn of the Dead" dvd (the 2004 remake, not the original). It's a great movie but the commentary is tough to stomach -- any time he refers to someone who was involved with the production of the film, director Zack Snyder commends his work by calling the guy a "rockstar." Whenever an actor appears on the screen for the first time, Snyder exclaims "rockstar!"
Oh, shut up, Zack. A rock star is someone who plays loud music, has an obscene amount of money, a terrible drug problem and Kate Moss on his arm; the gaffer who worked on your indie film set for sub-union scale wages is a great guy, but he's not a "rockstar" -- he can't even pay his heating bill. And he probably wants to smack you.
3. "All About..."
As in, "I'm all about goin' out with my girls on the weekends!" or "it's all about the beer" (I think that one's from a commercial) or "I'm sooo, like, NOT all about animal cruelty."
Do I need to tell you how moronic this sounds? I'll tellya what you're all about -- you're all about being lazy and repeating things you've heard other people say a billion times. And I want to smack you.
4. "Shits and Giggles"
I can't even begin to describe how awful this expression is. It sounds like some lunatic with an incontinence problem. I guarantee you, if you think about those words for half a second, you won't ever say them again.
5. "Bring It"
Ok, I brought it. Now I'm going to shove it up your ass.
People, don't be afraid to speak clearly and use your own words. Think before you open your mouth! Our speech is getting worse and worse all the time, thanks in part to mindless drones who relentlessly parrot phrases and expressions they hear every day. Don't be one of them! Let's make the world a better place!
By the way, if you think I'm nuts, keep your ears open for the next week or so. Listen to others, and to yourself. And you'll hear them...SAYINGS THAT NEED TO BE DESTROYED!