i give up

dont let anyone tell you good work will get you anywhere

or that talent will be recognized

or that good deeds will be returned in kind

putting stock in these notions will only get you beat down more


dont let anyone tell you originality will be celebrated

only mediocrity and greed reap rewards



at best there is occasional grudging support from friends

and niceties mouthed with glassy-eyed half-sincerity

but these come purely from a sense of obligation

(you dont want to know what they really think, you really dont)



KNOW THIS:
integrity means nothing, it is a valueless commodity

talent and vision without the right publicist will only earn bored stares, obscurity and squalor

taking the 'high road', being fair, good and generous wont get you a goddamn thing -- except a reputation for being easy






IM TIRED of giving and creating and pouring myself into the world and receiving nothing but massive, yawning indifference in return

im tired of watching the wicked and the talentless go home with all the rewards

im tired of struggling against the tide of attention-seeking, insincerity and snark

im tired of trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel when i know that it isnt really a tunnel, but a collapsed mine

im tired of trying to pretend theres a silver lining when i know the sun hasnt come out for years

im tired of trying to remember what it was like to have hope and dreams, like trying to remember your fifth birthday



im tired of this pointless story that had such a happy beginning but lately just seems to go on and on with no plot, no modulation, no moral and no virtuous characters


im tired of standing on the corner in rags and playing my symphonies to tone-deaf and disinterested passerby

im tired of the robotic utterance of the lie, 'things will get better'

im tired of giving the benefit of the doubt

im tired of believing promises that arent kept

im tired of trying to smile and be positive and pretend like all this is gonna add up to something. all it adds up to is unpaid bills and the ongoing rush of a soulless, indiffferent race bent on plastic wealth and genocide

im tired of competing against cheaters, card-counters and runners on steroids

im tired of sustaining myself on ideals that hold no water in the real world

im tired of trying to see the romance in poverty

im tired of trying to find a place and a purpose in this pointless, lifelong popularity contest

im tired of the daily reminders that my art has no value





plus im just tired